Godly Sorrow - Miraculous Revelation

 

I had a miraculous experience. I am living in a sober living home and am 2 years sober from drugs now. I have this Pocket New Testament Bible that I like because it is older and has a cool 80s leather look.

A few weeks ago, I started noticing that I was having prideful thoughts surrounding Christians who are not pursuing the Lord as heartily as I am. These thoughts kept surfacing, and I would pray for the Lord to take them away and help me with my sinful thinking. I noticed these thoughts surfacing throughout my day, especially when I saw hypocrisy and unjust actions or words in the news or in my day-to-day life.

I was working at a drug rehabilitation center and was handing out pamphlets and printouts of custom inspirational messages from the Bible to the people who were just getting sober. I preached the gospel to a few and had a great time. However, I noticed my coworkers were becoming increasingly agitated with me. 

I started having prideful thoughts about them. Thinking, "Well, they claim to be Christian, why are they not trying to tell others and encourage them?" I realized this was not an appropriate way to view my brothers and sisters in Christ. I ended up breaking down one night on my knees, feeling so dirty and disgusting because Jesus had literally done so much for me!

I used to have terrible, awful depression and had visited 15 different psych wards in my life for suicidal depression and paranoid delusions. 

This night, I was on my knees with my face on the ground, crying out to Jesus about how I'm such a miserable, terrible person. Actual tears welling up in my eyes for being such an arrogant, prideful, disgusting servant. 

The Lord has shown me so many beautiful things that not a lot of people experience, divine events that he has shown me that give me absolute clarity that he is real and ever-present. "How could I be so evil and disgusting to have these prideful thoughts and sin on a daily basis, and yet he still loves me and guides me?"

After praying, I got up from the floor and wandered out on my patio and sat down, still dreading my sinful nature and having a fleeting thought of the idea of just ending my sorry existence by jumping off my balcony. A thought flashed through my mind of Luke 5:8 when Simon Peter was awestruck by the Lord's glory after he told him to cast his net in the sea, and an extremely large catch of fish that almost sank two boats was produced. He got on his knees and told the Lord to leave him because he is a sinful man!

That was exactly how I felt. I got up from the balcony in a daze and walked into my apartment, and went to my room. I was seeking comfort and, absentmindedly, picked up the small pocket Bible I often carry. I lay down on the bed, opened it, and noticed a 20- or 30-page, interestingly creased fold in the Bible. It was interesting enough, and I investigated where it was creased to, and lo and behold, it was creased to Luke 5:8, the exact page!

This was very comforting and and made me cry even more that the Lord still holds me with his love, enough to comfort me in such a dramatic way. I remember thanking the Lord and falling asleep in a more peaceful state.

Luke 5:4-10

Luk 5:4  And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” 

Luk 5:5  And Simon answered, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.” 

Luk 5:6  And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. 

Luk 5:7  They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink. 

Luk 5:8  But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” 

Luk 5:9  For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken, 

Luk 5:10  and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.”