Godly Sorrow
A few weeks ago I started noticing that I was having prideful thoughts surrounding Christians that are not pursuing the Lord as heartily as I am. These thoughts kept surfacing and I would pray for the Lord to take away these thoughts and help me with my sinful thinking. I noticed these thoughts surfacing throughout my day and when I would see hipocracy and unjust actions or words in the news or in my day to day life.
I came home from work one day and was extremely sorrowful and depressed. I was speaking to the Lord in my mind for help and comfort with my very sorrowful heart. I felt led to listen to Gratitude by Brandon Lake. The words hit my soul hard and I had to get on my knees with my face on the floor and cry out to the Lord with a heart filled with sorrow and anguish at how wicked I truly am.
The Lord has shown me so many beautiful things that not a lot of people expiernence, divine events that he has shown me that give me absolute clarity that he is real and ever present. "How could I be so evil and disgusting to have these prideful thoughts and sin on a daily basis and yet he still loves me and guides me?"
After praying, I got up from the floor and wandered out on my patio and sat down still dreading my sinful nature and having a flashful thought of the idea of just ending my sorry existence by jumping off my balcony. A thought flashed through my mind of Luke 5:8 when Simon Peter was awestruck by the Lords glory after he told him to cast his net in the sea and a extremly large catch of fish that almost sunk two boats was produced. He got on his knees and told the Lord to leave him because he is a sinful man!
That was exactly how I felt, I got up from the balcony in a daze and walked into my apartment and went to my room. I was seeking comfort and absentmindidly picked up the small pocket bible that I often times carry in my pocket. I layed down on the bed and opened it and noticed that there was a 20 or 30 page interesting creased fold in the bible. It was interesting enough and I investigated where it was creased to and low and behold it was creased to Luke 5:8, the exact page!
This was very comforting and and made me cry even more that the Lord still holds me with his love, enough to comfort me in such a dramatic way. I remember thanking the Lord and falling asleep in a more peaceful state.
Luke 5:4-10
Luk 5:4 And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.”
Luk 5:5 And Simon answered, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.”
Luk 5:6 And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking.
Luk 5:7 They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink.
Luk 5:8 But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.”
Luk 5:9 For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken,
Luk 5:10 and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.”
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